What I know to be circling inside me

Written by: Baily

It’s bigger, that’s for certain. It carries more weight, more importance, more eredita. 

It’s so much bigger than just 1 on 1 impact, although I do feel that’s important too. But this feels different.

Being pregnant has caused me to think across a more long-term timeline, one that doesn’t even include me anymore at some point (hopefully far down the road.) What impact will I have on the world that my son is soon to enter? Will I be able to rest peacefully and reflect upon my time here fondly when it’s all said and done? Or will I feel like I didn’t think, act, or impact things on a large enough scale on my Earth vacation?

The thing circling inside of me isn’t ego-driven, I’m thankful that’s become apparent. It’s humanity-driven. 

If we’re all given a talent or mission or purpose that we can choose to act upon or disregard, or worse, recognize but only ever go a little way in on , then who am I to plant seeds in the garden of small potatoes when it could be so much more?

Imposter syndrome absolutely feels the need to join in on this internal dialogue, because it too has a purpose - to hold you back, convince you that you’re not the right person for the job, that there are better, more qualified people to step up to the challenge. 

I’ve allowed the imposter syndrome voice inside of me to win many times in the past, but I wasn’t as stable and confident and unphased by irrational fears then as I am now. Perhaps it’s due to seeing so many people who I’d never recommend for a job not only get that job, but find a level of success I could have never assumed possible for them.

So if they can do it and do it well (or in many cases, mediocre at best), then why NOT me? 

Imposter syndrome also wants you to believe that there’s only one position to fill when it comes to life purposes and the like, but that’s unequivocally false. Moving humanity forward or leaving this planet and our society behind better than you found it is a team sport. What you can bring to the table will be different than what I will contribute, and it’s our powers combined that move the needle. 

What’s circling inside of me knows this, and always has. But know so do I.